Waiting for An Empty Hope

Peeking through the window and hoping somehow you suddenly could appear from somewhere in front of nowhere just to meet up. Hoping that you would go back and waiting for you to be back even you have gone away after a fight. Hoping that someday you would understand that sometimes a 'NO' means 'Show me more willingness for that'. Checking out the blog that you made, and hoping that somehow it is updated and you write about the love you have for me.
And everytime I turn back, I hope that you would be just behind me, because you would never leave me, but you leave. Everytime we have a fight, I hope you would chase me, but you leave. I hope you would just surprise me by bringing things I like even when I say 'NO', but you don't. And everytime you still have an opportunity to fix things before the time goes, I hope you would make it up, but you don't and you just give up.
Finally, I realize that I have been waiting for an empty hope. You will never understand. Even somehow I still wish that it were all wrong, but unfortunately it's all true.

Love isn’t really the theme I like to write, it’s just a feeling I like to have. But as I’ve just jumped to the age of 20s, so I started thinking about the real relationship, the real feeling to have, the real man to face life together.

I always think that a word ‘LOVE’ is sacred. It can’t be mentioned to everyone. But the truth is, that sacred word is often mentioned, mostly woman-to-woman, which I also do. Because that’s been happening in my life, so I decided to keep that word away when I really feel that way to a man. Simply, when I mention that word a lot to a man, it doesn’t mean what that word really means, on the contrary, when I rarely mention the ‘L’ word, it means that once I mention it, I really do mean it.

For more than 20 years I’ve been breathing, seeing people bump around, hearing good and bad things, but I only have ever fallen in love ONCE! The feeling had been there for like about 3 years, but the relationship ended up after 3 weeks being together. Since then, I’m kinda afraid of falling in love. Being suspicious is who I am now. It’s like, I don’t believe any men who would possibly be really in love with me like I am to one of them. Sounds desperate, huh? But I’m not.

But I also admit that I lost 3 puzzles in life. One is faith. And the others are to love and being loved. I know that those puzzles are there, I just need time to seek them to complete my life.